LifeZamaZing

Ok, coming down to second part of Simple Communication. Those of you who are here for the first time, this is the second post of Simple communication ain’t so simple. It would be helpful if you could go through the first post before you go ahead.
Here we shall talk of some really really simple rules of communication. Things that I believe everyone, just everyone should know. And some of which I am sure all of you do.

And before you go ahead, some good news- the first post in this series has been featured on the home page of Ezine Articles. SMIIILEEEEEE. You could check it out here. Thank you everyone for the support.

Okkk now to start with

—>Public = positive
No matter how offended you are with someone NEVER EVER criticize the other party in public (public is anyone except the two of you). You shall earn nothing but contempt of the other person and back biting of all your viewers. Everyone makes mistakes but no one likes to be insulted in public. Hence if you have to remember just one rule about communication it is this. One of the most able managers I know, who was a perfectionist to the core, somehow never had stable or happy staff. Because every time she found someone’s mistake she would spare no time to reprimand the staff believing it would rectify the mistake and warn others. However, rectification never happened and the warning bells said- Never get caught with your mistake and jump to the very next decent paying job that you get. In spite of her excellent efforts, her section never performed excellently. Pity, isn’t it?! Hence always speak positive things in public. And when you appreciate- be LOUD. Everyone loves it. Exaggerate the positives.

—->Negative = No one else around
Your child may need a good lesson in manners but always have the manners to give it in privacy of your home. One cruel sentence in public does more harm than a hundred appreciating words in public can. So never ever demean others in front of others. Doing so compels the other party to be on the defensive and eventually leads to bitterness. So control thy temper and tongue if you want the other person to improve. Otherwise lash him with fittingly brutal words and he shall make it a point to live up to those words.

—>L………S.
Listen………..Speak. Always remember communication is a two way channel and listening is the first step to it. And yes, listening is the first step even if you want the other person to listen to you. If you think that just by speaking you will be heard, you couldn’t be more wrong. However in case of instructions like, please clear the cabinet, be sure to give the instruction. Because if you don’t then that task cannot be done. In case of instructions probably you might have to speak before you listen. But otherwise the golden rule always works.

—> Something is better than nothing
Speak up. Even if it is only gurgling noises and incoherent argument, it will be better than not having said anything and letting things go haywire. Convince yourself of one thing- It is better to keep the communication channel open. You might be misunderstood if you are not well-prepared but hey, if you never voiced your voice, you think you would be understood correctly??! But usually this works in private communication. Professionally you would have to be more prepared.

—>Sort yourself out
ANALYZE. EVALUATE. UNDERSTAND. Imagine a baker who wants to teach you to bake. But what if he is not sure of the recipe? How effectively would he be able to teach you? Similarly, until you have sorted out your feelings, evaluated your emotions and understood the situation, you shall never be able to make coherent communication. And the topping to the half baked cake would be your frustration out others not understanding you! But sweetheart, you’ve got to understand yourself first, isn’t it?

—>Wait, till you are sorted out
Now, say after hours of debating and warring with yourself, you are still unclear about your emotions. Then how do you communicate? By keeping quiet. See there is no point in speaking up something until you know what you want to. But yes, as a tip you could try closing yourself in a room and debating the issues with yourself ALOUD. Try using the mirror as your alter. Keep two chairs, change your place physically from one to another, understand the ambivalence of the situation and then speak up. Or you could simply write out your feelings.It helps in clarifying your vision. But until you and your alter ego are at peace, do us a favor, postpone any arguments.

—>Say sorry!
Come on you know that you are wrong. You are only and only defending yourself. But for heaven’s sake try admitting the mistake. Trust me there is no such exhilarating feeling. You will feel completely unburdened and the next step about making up for the mistake would start. Till you keep defending yourself, you don’t even take remedial measures.

—> Take help of a professional
The professional could be your best friend, the agony aunts of newspapers, a book or a family member, or an actual professional. I have seen many a times, just by speaking yourself out, you feel elevated. And then you can pitch your stand or justify your feeling before the concerned parties. You see, rehearsal doesn’t hurt.

—-> Instructions got to be clear
Say you are at any supervisory position. You could be a housewife supervising the maid but when you are given that responsibility make sure your instructions are clear and consistent. I know of this house-maker who is fully dedicated to her family. But her maids are perennially confused and under pressure. Because one, she will not give clear and precise instructions and her instructions are hardly ever consistent. Make tea, would be her instruction. But make it for how many people, use this milk or that (she has a couple of types), with or without adrak- no other instructions. The maid using her common sense makes the one she made last time. But this time the homemaker wanted a different sort, of which the maid naturally had no idea. Hence a clash. The homemaker conveniently forgets that it is she who is not clear and consistent. Hence be clear and consistent.

So, ingrain these ground rules into your daily life and you shall not need to read any more books or articles or blogs on communication. But you’d better keep reading mine.

Popularity: 25% [?]

[I am in the middle of a series about communication but I just couldn't help write about this one. So please excuse;)]

I have always believed that jealousy springs from insecurity and hence it is not something one can openly strut around or at least be proud of.

But today, I was in for a real shock. My husband’s younger brother recently got engaged to his long-time girlfriend. Sweet couple they make. Totally bubbly, chirpy and the newly romantics. Though we (me and my husband) had a courtship of more than 3 years and a real lovey-dovey one at that the newly-engaged’s romance makes me nostalgic.

Talking of what prompted me to write this post- today all of us went shopping. In one of the posh stores there was a poster with a male model. My brother-in-law, J, commented about how he would make a far better model than the one in this poster. He is totally, completely, fully in love with himself and only a degree or two short of narcissism. The reaction of C (J’s fiancee) was an emphatic negation of his castle-in-air-wish. She stated as a matter of ethics and pride that she would NEVER let him work as a model. I was witnessing all that and I believed the two of them are just joking themselves. Until she changed her tone and underlined the fact that she truly meant it.

I just confirmed by asking her whether she was joking or she would actually not allow him? And she confirmed my fears saying “of course I wouldn’t. I can’t stand my husband being looked at by other females. I would NEVER EVER let him work in such professions. I can’t stand other dames talking of him.” She wasn’t being bossy or over-powering but she just couldn’t let her to-be-husband do it. She was just being natural about it.

But to me it was a wholly unnatural situation. Not because it was a female who was asking a male not to work or do so and so. But because I for one just can’t understand the fact that how would some other female/male looking your spouse make your spouse want you lesser. I mean, I have lived with this premise that the relationships I hold are not at the mercy of the advent or in-advent of a stranger. It is me and my partner who make or break a relationship. The relationship is not stable because there is no third party and neither is it unstable because there is a third party. If some other female can lull away my husband then our relationship must have had holes. I or he must have left some area of our relationship untouched where the third party could make a better mark. And if my husband or any of my relatives for that matter are too fickle-minded to understand the worthiness of a relationship then I would rather not stay with them for long.

Hence jealousy has hardly ever made sense to me. I, on the contrary have enjoyed the attention my mate would garner at parties. I feel proud. I feel like holding his hand and teasing the on-looking females and telling them “See i got what you yearn for…ha ha ha”

But what I heard today shook my entire understanding of the concept of jealousy. And hence me is posting this at midnight. Hope by the morning I would have forgotten it or sorted it out.

Please do tell me what is your take on jealousy. Are me and my hubby the only ones living on this premise? Has enlightenment suddenly dawned on me today and hence I see it as a shock or was C’s behavior a sign of immature childish romance? (How I wish you would vote for latter reason)

Good night folks. Let me not dream of it tonight!

Popularity: 29% [?]

All of us know how important communication is in our lives. Forget about how important it is to succeed and to make a killing presentation, I would say communication is equally important to get a date, to be received warmly at a bank/shop/friend’s place, to be served quickly at a restaurant, etc. etc. Just about Anything. And as I write about it I actually get the full meaning of what Paul Waltzwick meant when he said “You cannot NOT communicate”. He was so absolutely true. The irony of it is even if you don’t communicate, you ARE intrinsically communicating that you DON’T want to communicate. Ghosh! there is no way around this thing.

So,, we shall be discussing simple communication in good detail here at lifezamazing.com. But for today we shall stick to basic mistakes people make about communicating. However before we start lets briefly understand why we need to communicate

to feel good- it’s so much better after you have spoken to your best friend
to make others feel better- imagine if you could just not tell your children how much they meant to you!
to make others feel bad/ugly/weird- i am sure you have come across such times! I, for one have
to lead- now, how can you even think of leading if you can’t even get yourself across to them
to clarify- all of us do goof up at times and that is when we need to communicate the most
to achieve- i.e. to live life king-size
to progress- remove communication from human evolution and you shall see there is no evolution possible
to avoid exploding- well, how long do you think you would be able to survive without expressing yourself
to enrich- ourselves, our life and that of everyone around us

and for a million other reasons!

Well, volumes and volumes have been written on why’s and how’s of communication. But we somehow still tend to make similar mistakes over and over again. Its really strange to see people not knowing simple rules of communication and that of communicating in time. Many problems also occur due to ill-timed communication. However, generally the most common mistakes that one comes across are

It is understood!
Now, how do you think it is understood?? I mean, is your spouse/child/boss/colleague an oracle or a mind-reader? How do you suppose does the other person knows until you have told him so? This is THE MOST COMMON presumption people tend to make. And it is the most disastrous one as well.

Of course he knows
Fine. Agreed that you had told him that you are really looking forward to the party this weekend. But what’s the harm in repeating it again? Wouldn’t that be better than sitting home all weekend and cribbing over his memory loss? It’s not necessary that once you say it, it stays in the other person’s mind forever. A simple reminder however unnecessary it may seem does not harm. But make sure its polite. No one likes to listen to deadlines in deadly words.

Why clarify? / They shall never know
Probably. But what if luck had it and somehow they did learn about your small, simple, innocent goof up. Would they see it as that? NOOO. To the other party it would be nothing short of a sabotage. And the fact that you hid it purposefully would add necessary fuel to the fire. Hence please clarify your stand or wrong doing. Secrets never stay so for long.

Didn’t get time / Was too busy
Are you kidding me? You who consciously evaluated the situation and decided not to speak about it, are trying to say that you did not find time to tell such a simple thing? And believe me even if you REALLY did not get time for it, no one in this age of easy and rapid communication is going to believe you. So even if it is true think of some other reason.

I was just going to tell you that. / Wanted to tell you that only
And what were you waiting for? For bells to ring or for dinosaurs to re-appear? It sounds so frivolous when you confront someone with an intentionally held back topic and you get answers like “I was just going to tell you” Ha aah… Give me a break. Try something new. Like being honest but tactful.

I didn’t mean that. /I wasn’t saying that
Just when one is caught up from all sides this is the most commonly used excuse. But as I just mentioned everyone knows its just an excuse. And how do you think the other person is NOT going to believe something you just said but understand the tacit implication of your sentence? It doesn’t work. It only proves you to be more foolish.

Ummm…. aaaa….. hmmm… ahnnnn
How much would like to listen to this when you want words? The internal sounds of your throat do not make up for a lost cause or a good impression. They do not prove your competence, innocence or just anything except your lack of preparation.

So, just avoid such simple stupidities and you shall be very much on your way to enriching life.

Popularity: 28% [?]

Boring holiday- quite unusual given that people look forward to holidays. And I too look forward to them but today’s holiday was unusually boring. Many reasons to it. One of them was because my dear husband Abhi did not have a holiday. Hence I was the only one holidaying which actually did not turn out to be a holiday at all.

We have holidays so that we can spend time with each other and with ourselves. As of each other, my ‘other’ was busy working for others! And spending time with myself.. ummmm … i think I got bugged with myself today. As such I am an interesting personality but today I turned to be boring. And moreover, I am turning a workaholic with each passing day. My love for work feeds on itself. I think the worst punishment one can pronounce upon me is to do NOTHING all day. Procrastinating is okay for a while but if it continues it gets on my nervous system.

Now this brings me to think about all those people who actually do nothing all day. How impossible would that be! And yes, I do know a handful of such people. Most of them are nouveau riche due to sudden rise in the value of their land (farms owned by their family) as a result of the expanding city. They suddenly have more than enough money to dispense and hence they really do not know what to do with it. They tend to move from here to there all day killing time and killing life. At times I envy them that they have been gifted so much for almost nothing. But then on days like these I pity them. I really really do. Poor them with all that money they still do not have a sense of fulfillment. How sad is that! And trust me you need that sense. You just can’t keep doing something that makes you feel no good. It is degenerating your personality.

Another such fellow is one of my in-laws. A smart, young, intelligent 20ish fellow who just can’t find anything to do. Academics was never his cup of tea and his ego doesn’t permit him to take up a job. He waits for business opportunity to knock his door. Till then he warms the sofa and surveys all the channels on the Television all day!

So, all you so-called-lucky people who get rewards without working your butt out, all I’ve got to say is- Enjoy. For I cannot. And I would not. I would rather work my way up, however hard and long it be. For if I don’t do that, what do I do? Sit back and rot? Degenerate myself into something I would not recognize? Loathe my existence and curse my life? No. You see stagnation is not a choice available to humans. We either evolve or expire. I choose to evolve.

What do you choose? Have you faced such boring holidays when you wished that work was better? Do let me know.

[I had completed the post and then I came across this. This is an excerpt from an essay The Organization Kid by David Brooks. It is about his chance to interact with students of an Ivy League college.

"nowhere did I find any real unhappiness with this state of affairs; nowhere did I find anybody who seriously considered living any other way. These super-accomplished kids aren't working so hard because they are compelled to. It's not the stick that drives them on, it's the carrot. Opportunity lures them. And at a place like Princeton, in a rich information-age country like America, promises of enjoyable work abound—at least for people as smart and ambitious as these. "I want to be this busy," one young woman insisted, after she had described a daily schedule that would count as slave-driving if it were imposed on anyone."

Hurray! I am not the only one who likes to be busy!!;) ]

Popularity: 24% [?]

6:45 am

Trrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnn goes the alarm or
if it is in the mobile it goes tiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnngggg tiiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggg tinnnngggggg!

And I am shaken from the midst of deep slumber. Somehow I am the sleepiest when alarm is about to go off. We, myself and my alarm have this strange chemistry- we are simply not fond of each other.

But once it voices its ominous sound, I kick and move and make strange noises and cover myself more with the bed sheet and simply wish that it had not rung this one day. But it already has. So I got to pay attention to it. And then starts the world’s classiest debate between myself and my alter (the well-wisher who tries to wake me up.)

My alter says: Wake up! this is not the first time you have to wake up.

Me says: I knoowwww!! And that’s what I don’t like. WHYYYYY do I have to wake up everyday??!!

My alter says: You lazy bum, come on move your ass! Getting lazier by the day :@ Come on STAND UP NOWWW

Me says: But hey five minutes won’t hurt. Just and justtttt give me five more minutes to sleep. Promise. God promise I will wake up at the 6th minute!

My alter says: Noo hold on, hold onnnnn.!! (The bum is already asleep. Lets wait for five minutes. 1…2…3…4…5…)
Come on five minutes over. Get up

Me says: Seriously? how sad! okkkk i will wake up… aaawwwwwwwwww (the longest yawn that I can manage!!.) But hey it is only 6:55. I have to go for a jog at 7:30… there is an awful lot of time to it. Why r u troubling me!

My alter says: Okk so then keep sleeping. Then don’t dream about reducing weight and looking great. You log.. you sleep here and warm the bed and collect some more fat around your hips! Thats all that you can do.

Me says: nooooooooo i want to look good… Okkk okkkkk don’t get pissed I will wake up. See I am already sitting! What more do you want?

My alter says: Thank you. Now stand up… no .. noo….noooooooooo you are not lying down again. No nothing doing. Wake up now or me is also sleeping off!

And so goes on the argument. At times I listen to my angel alter and at times I make sure it listens to me. But all in all it has always been a gruesome debate that has occupies my mind for quite some time in the mornings! Ahem!

Popularity: 33% [?]

I am a relatively very healthy girl (at 25 I do qualify for a girl, okk!). I can jog upto 2 kms and eat in good amounts and shift furniture in the house and change the wheels of the car, etc. etc. In short most things that typical ‘girlish girls’ can’t do, I can. And I am kinda happy with my macho-girl image. The reason is that I don’t like to ask for help for every small thing (it is my idea of feminism and all that but I will avoid discussing it here.. will do it in some other post some other time).

Okk, but I too fall ill and I fall ill only in one fashion- allergic cold. I am hyper sensitive to dust and all things unclean (and in India it is not hard to come across such things). And if by mistake my hands reach near my nose after I have touched a surface that is not wiped clean then God help me! Because for the next three days all you will find me doing is S..N..E..E..Z..I..N..G my lungs (heart, stomach, liver, kidneys…) out all through the day in a huge napkin. At times I am even prompted to use a towel but then I control my whims.

So all in all I am in deplorable state physically and everyone around me is annoyed with my condition. But I am not because now I am accustomed to it. I know exactly how many days does it take and when it will subside and all of that.

But I maintain that poise ONLY till my husband, Abhi, is not around me. As soon as I see him somehow a bout of self-pity overtakes me and my mind starts reasoning “Whhhy me, God??:( ” (i never ask that to God when I am having chocolate ice creams) and my behavior forces Abhi to consider that if he doesn’t attend me right away I might just expire. I constantly debate myself saying that I can manage it and I was fine just a while ago and no need to act so childish, blah, blah, blah. But even when I am debating I am actually acting like an attention-hungry-five-year-old.

And then comes the best part about falling ill. He would see my pitiable face and hug me and tell me that its ok and God has no ill-feelings for me and its not the first time that I have fallen ill, and all the other things that I KNEW only until he arrived. And then he would put me to bed and apply Vicks (i know its a brand and that its not the worldwide name for mentholated creams but we Indians are so accustomed to Vicks and Colgate that all OTC medicines related to cold are Vicks and all tooth-pastes are Colgates! ). He would rub it on my chest and neck and on the forehead and even put some INSIDE my nose (the yuckiest part as you would imagine but the most effective nonetheless) and treat me like a child.

And I ENJOIIIIIIIIIIII it to the core. I make sure that I am pampered and I enjoy my overindulgence in Vicks! It is one of the loveliest moments of my marriage and I would not trade it for anything. I have tried a lot of tricks and tactics to overcome the allergic cold for good but honestly have never felt sorry when neither of them have yielded results. I enjoy my small reason for being spoilt even if it costs me three whole days and a hell looooooottttttt of misery!! Thank you Abhi for making me enjoy my illness.

Popularity: 34% [?]

I know I am too late to write about it but I was too busy all day but am still too much into its trance to write about anything else.

If there is anyone of you out there who cannot make a head or tail out of the title then let me give you a brief history of it. India plays only one game(it plays others but they are not worth mentioning) and that is Cricket. It is India’s religion and cricketers are Gods. Pakistan is its arch-rival and a match between India and Pakistan is no less than a battle. Yesterday India won the Cricket’s twenty20 World Cup against Pakistan in a match that brought the entire subcontinent to a standstill for the entire duration.

Details of the match can be found all around the blog and news world and I am sure there is not one aspect of the game that has not been discussed. And I went surfing all over the web and came across this blog iccworldcup07 that had covered the entire twenty20 world cup in ABSOLUTE detail. My hard luck that I found it after the world cup was over.

But what I want to talk of is the spirit of revelry and joy that swept around the country with the final catch by Sreesanth. As soon as the match was over and the Pakistani captain gave his impossible remarks on “all Muslims around the world” (it has been discussed in good detail at Soul witness ) the entire India was out on the streets celebrating and rejoicing. There we youngsters on the streets S..C..R..E..A..M..I..N..G INDIA INDIA!! And my city, Ahmadabad, has a road called C.G. Road that is the unannounced address for all occasions of joy. People somehow always land up at CG without any invitation. Its as if the entire city has been ordered to meet there. And once the crowd gathers up you find a motley of people befriending strangers at unbelievable speed. It seemed as if everyone knew everyone and all of them were brothers in the sense that our Pledge wants us to.

Coming back to the CG road we had one fellow with the Indian flag dancing ON the car waving at thousands around him. Another one was with a trophy (which is supposed to be a world cup ;)) in his hands on the bonnet of the car and the entire crowd had a smile sooo content that it seemed as if all of them had deliberately forgotten India’s shameful loss at the world cup in early 2007. Bu then that is how it has to be. Life is to forget the scars and celebrate the victories.

I was elated to see the amount of joy a single victory brought us. India is a nation starved of victories and hence when we win, WE WIN!! Nothing about our victory is small or dispensable. It is our pride and we want to enjoy it. So the cynics (if there are any, yet) PLEASE leave us alone. Let us bathe in the glory!!

Popularity: 31% [?]

Are you a horror movie buff? Fascinated by those unearthly characters and those shrill, chilling voices? Do you enjoy the blood and darkness that is all-pervasive in those movies? Is your idea of a thriller movie a spine-chilling tale of death and violence?

If you do then tell me something, are you scared of the dark? Do you think twice before entering a new place after evenings? Does the fear of ghosts and wild creatures grip you as soon as you are all alone by yourself? Does the trrrr sound of doors or rustle of leaves remind you of a horrific scene?

If you have answered in affirmative to the first set of questions the chances are very high that you would answer in YES in the other set too. Come on let’s face it, the reason why we fear ghosts or spirits or aatmas or etc. etc. is because we know something of this sort exists and that it does BAD things to human beings. But imagine if you never knew that any such thing existed?? Life would be quite a boon, isn’t it?

I have come across so many people who have a captivating fear of all things non-existent. And their fears are not only self-sustaining but self-growing. Their fear feeds on itself. It gives those individuals some uncanny sort of kick to fear more! They seem to like to get petrified. It’s as if the fear seeks more reasons to fear.

But what I fail to gather is WHY on earth do they watch such stuff when they know that it is going to scare the shit out of them and that they would not be able to take one step outside on their own? Isn’t it quite silly?

On closer observation I noticed that those who watched such stuff they mostly did it when people known to them would be around. With their friends or family or in familiar comfortable environments. And at times they even did it to prove their strength and brawn. They try and control their mind and do not show fear while watching it. But that happens only as long as they are in familiar environments or with known people. As soon as they are alone the first thing that flashes in their minds is the bloodiest scene of the movie. They may brush it aside for an instance but it does stay put only to pop up later when it is exactly not required. And then it scares the wits out of them. I know a family that does not miss a single episode of the horror serial that comes on the TV. They all get together and watch it. But later in the night if someone wakes up to fetch water or if the door creeks a little the entire family gets cold feet. Now, isn’t that silly and stupid to say the least? Why watch such stuff when you know that it does nothing but handicap you further.

Now for an instance imagine if we were NEVER exposed to such movies or programs. Would we still be scared of such things? Would we not enjoy the breeze and the bristling sound of leaves in late autumn evenings? Wouldn’t the tweaking sound of door remind us to oil the hinges rather than flash some gruesome memories? Wouldn’t darkness be simply that and not a canvas of death and bloodshed?

Much of what we are today is the sum total of our experiences (known and unknown). If only we could wipe clean our memories of those ghastly tales that we have watched so far then darkness, ghosts, spirits, etc. would have no bearing on us.

Can’t believe me? Just ask yourself this question- Were you scared after watching Casper (or Ratatouille- the latest animated adventure of a rat with a French chef as the ghost)??

No, right? Why, you should have been scared! After all the two of them too had ghosts! But no, you would not be because those ghosts were presented in a manner to entertain you and not scare you. So do you get my point? You shall be the slave of unwanted fears only as long as you let your psyche experience those fears. So next time simply say a NO to horror. And I know what to show to my kid when he is growing- the friendly ghosts of Casper and Ratatouille! So ghosts will be his buddies and darkness shall not be his limitation!

Popularity: 26% [?]

Talk of technology to anyone who is not into the world of technology and the usual reactions are

‘It is deriding families of the “family time” that they had earlier’

‘It is a bane to the social system. It is an invasion on our family’s privacy’

‘Our children just don’t speak to us. They avoid family outings and gatherings. All they want is their PS2s or Nintendos or mobiles’

‘The gadgetized world is going to tear apart the tradition of families’

blah blah blah!!

The list is never ending. However I do not agree to it. I truly do not feel that technology is averse to the closeness within a family or any relationship. But before I explain why I feel so let me tell you I am a purely NON-TECHNOLOGY person. I am a people’s person. I am a books’ person. I need to see, feel, touch things or people to understand them. But I have learnt over a period of time that technology can be used to my advantage and to achieve what I enjoy. Technology is not my enemy anymore (it was earlier).

And yeah when I say technology here I am not talking of NASA’s space projects or a breakthrough in medical science. I am talking of technology that we see around. That affects us directly. Technology that we have to deal with wishfully or forcefully .

Alright now, how is it that I have managed to enslave technology and not the other way round? Simple because I have learnt to update myself on technology and when to switch it on and off.

The first thing that I learnt was that I WILL have to educate myself on technology or become a moth-eaten, timed-out obsolete individual with levels of self-confidence dropping at an alarming rate.

I chose to survive. I decided to look stupid rather than become extinct. I mean I started questioning simplest of simple things. Things like what is bluetooth ( I don’t believe I didn’t know that!), what is the difference between yahoo and yahoomail, how do I text a message, etc. etc. In short I was laughed at many a times.

With this gumption I took to the world of technology and today I feel that it can (and at times even does) help families come together and not grow apart. So sticking to the topic of how families can use technology for strengthening family ties I would say

Learn the use of it. Especially elders. Evolve or become extinct. Don’t expect your children to have meaningful conversations with you when you cannot even spot the difference between a PS2 and a Nintendo or a CD and a DVD.

Now assuming that you have learnt the basic ropes of computers, internet, mobiles and video games how do you make the most of them?

• Join the most frequently used social networking sites in your group. It could be any like facebook, myspace, orkut, bebo, hi5, etc. Don’t fall for the cynics words that it is only for the teenagers and college-going kids.
• Text your friends or family not just on certain occasions but simply to share a nice thought or just to say good morning!
• Ask the younger lot about whicht are the latest favorites in terms of video games or PC games.
• Play those games. You may be ultimately pathetic in the first go but doesn’t matter. You would at least not feel like an idiot when next time they use the game’s jargon.
• Surf the net frequently. The language barrier on internet is slowly coming down and you can find almost everything in your own language.
• Moreover the net has an awesome amount of information on everything and especially technology. Learn about something that your children or spouse too would not know about and act like tech-guru when you disclose your knowledge.
• Send virtual gifts. After all they cost you nothing!
• Use applications like Google doc, spreadsheets and calenders to plan family vacations or outings. And believe me there are families who do it. I just came across one such person whose blog is titled Postmodern Puritan.
• Define times when to use the gadgets and when to switch them off. Have ground rules laid like ‘Mobiles to switched off in bed’ or ‘No video games after 10′
• But yeah don’t play the spoil sport always. I mean don’t curse others when they are having a good time with it. If you cannot comprehend it or update yourself on it, you have no right to snatch away other’s pleasure of being in sync with the world.
• Don’t fall for lame logics like ‘the world survived before the advent of the computer’, ‘technology lacks human touch’. Because if you do fall for it, keep in mind you are choosing extinction over evolution.
• And hey, after all technology IS human made. Could you imagine a generation ago about sharing your birthday party’s photos instantly with everyone you know or learning about your distant cousin’s illness in moments?

So please don’t curse technology if you can’t make head or tail out of it. It is you who need to update yourself.

And if you still don’t believe me, you should meet my mother. She could hardly handle the mouse but that was until she found that her long lost game of Tetris was now available on my teenage brother’s laptop. Since that day my mother is hooked to it and it has now become more of her laptop than his. And of course on the way she has learnt the difference between ‘C’- the programming language and ‘C:’!!!

And not to mention, it has brought the two of them closer as they now have something to discuss even if it is about teasing my mother on her naivety in computers.

So, you see technology DOES help families come together. Only that you should learn how to use it.

[I had just completed the post when I came across this website on technorati that lists a number of vendors who print a few copies of photos for free! Now can you beat that? Not just share pics for free but even print them for free?! And who was talking of family being pulled apart by technology?]

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So, have you experienced the same boorrrrriiiing life with same routine and a sequence of events that seem to occupy you forever? Well if so then you need to break out of it. We as human being have a tendency to seek change, to seek newness, to improvise (and at times make things worse while improvising). But there are times when we just can’t do it. No matter what you try your schedules are too packed to allow something so trivial as change or surprise in it. So then you give in to it and wait and wait and wait for a time when you can take that long vacation or a weekend off. But how often can you do that? If you are as lucky as my friend Anjali then you can probably six times a year (excluding weekend breaks) but otherwise you would have to manage with 1 or at most 2 vacations. But what about the other 340 odd days of the year that you slog and pity yourself. Nothing they are simply SAD. But that was only until I felt that sadness. When I did I started thinking of ways to entertain myself. Ways that would bring me a wasp of fresh air in a not-so-fresh-aired city. And moreover the ways had to be such that they should fit in to my daily routine. After all I am not as lucky as Anjali!

So, here are some ways that would help us break the vicious circle of monotony within our day. I have tried a few of them and am on the way to try the rest.

• Bunk work on Monday. No seeming reason just a treat for yourself
• Keep up till late in the night to watch the favorite movie on the channel and then challenge yourself to reach the work in time next day. And just an off the record tip- forget the bath to make it in time. You see one more way of breaking monotony!
• Put on the oldest clothes in your closet and smile when people give that weird look.
• Smile at strangers. When they smile back give them a straight look and then laugh over their confusion.
• If you order food or coffee regularly over some cafe try different varieties. They may be whacky but just try it. Or for that matter try a different eatery altogether!
• Take the stairs instead of the lift. If you can’t make it all the way to your apartment take a lift from middle.
• Jump steps. I mean climb two stairs at a time.
• Surprise your spouse. Land up at his/her office for no reason. (But don’t be disheartened if he/she is busy with something. Remember it was your idea to do it.)
• Take a different road to your work or back home. enjoy the breeze and sights on the way.
• Play the radio/CD LOUD in your car with windows rolled down. And yeah shake to the loud music. When others stare at you in disgust for playing music sooo loud, give them a lovely smile that would make them feel jealous of the fun you are having.
• Write a note to your loved one. It could be your spouse/child/parent or anyone. Leave it discreetly at a place where they would not be expecting it. Like the shower or on their handbag. Use your imagination.
• The note doesn’t always have to romantic or mush-mushy. It can be something as trivial as- “Just wanted to draw your attention!” or “S M I L E”
• Cook. If you regularly do- have your husband or children do it. Don’t worry about spoiling. It happens.
• Paint. Doesn’t matter if you are bad at it. Just give it a try. And then laugh at yourself if it is indeed crazy.
• Pamper yourself. Visit your beautician or relish a cake.
• Dress up beautifully for a simple dinner at home. Don’t get into reasons and ‘why’ and ‘what for’ about it. Do it just like that.
• While walking, dance or sway a little. Take a few long steps and then take very tiny steps.
• Kick the pebbles, cans whatever is lying on the streets right to your home. When you reach home with your kick-buddy, kick it hard and shout GOAL!!
• Just sing ALOUD. Sing to your favorite tunes.

Ohh there are million more ways to do it. I just can’t stop but for now these should be sufficient. I am sure you too would be having a lot of such ideas. If you do please post me a few. Would be glad to include them in the list. Let’s make it a spirited post!

Other ways to kill monotony as submitted by the readers.

Deepti Jani says- “By shopping! As it removes sadness, takes out boredom of our lives and also reduces the pain of stuffed wallet!”

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