LifeZamaZing

Every Sunday I oil my hair in the morning and wash it off by the afternoon. And after oiling my hair if there is some oil left, i oil Abhi’s already gray and short tresses. Almost invariably when I go over to oil his hair he is sitting on his PC fidgeting with it. I fail to understand that after six long days of work right before a PC how can he get himself to sit before it the first thing on a Sunday morning. However, he amazes me till date and I always find him there, neck-deep in something that i find truly useless.

However, as soon as I start oiling his hair, his fingers automatically tend to slow down on the keypad and as if he is under a magical spell he gently closes the lids of his eyes evading the presence of the (evil, according to me) PC. My fingers in his hair work far better in taking him off work than any of words do. With full concentration he enjoys being worked on and a naughty yet innocent smile appears on his face. The smile is programmed, like thousand other things in his life, to grow into a broad grin as I work vigorously in his hair and shrink into an unpleasant smirk as i am about to end the Sunday routine. But all good things come to an end and so does this.

But this makes me wonder about the effect of TOUCH. It is just sooo immense yet understated that at times people just don’t tend to realize that they don’t need anti-depressants but just TOUCH! A good tight hug from your loved one could tell you much more than a thousand words or million dollar gift could. Imagine receiving all the presents on your birthday but no one to hug you or kiss you to wish you a birthday. It would be so hollow.

Touch according to me is the most underplayed therapeutic tool. Most Indian families see hugs between friends or family as an overt and hence useless display of emotions. I don’t remember having hugged my father or mother since I became old enough to remember things. It is sad. Not that my parents were careless but they just believed that their daughter is too old to be hugged or to-run-fingers-through-her-hair. I realized I enjoyed the touch of someone’s hand in my hair only when i went to a parlour for a hair massage.

And as i was married by then i decided to extend the pleasure of that magic of touch to my husband. However he hates the idea of oil and his latest request is ” can’t you just massage my hair without oiling them?” The request is met with an emphatic NO but he knows better. He knows that i love to fidget with his palms, hair and forehead. And hence whenever we are watching TV, he discreetly puts himself before me in such a manner that just out of volition I would start running my fingers through his hair. Just as unknowingly as people start biting nails or picking nose. And hence he has his way of oil-without-oil! By the time i realize that i have been systematically induced to work in a particular fashion he has had his quota of touch for the day and he is happy with it.

Shobha De has mentioned in her book ‘Spouse’ about the immense value of such TV-time touch for a marriage and I don’t seem to mind being duped into it at times if guarantees me such a pleasurable marriage. However, I just feel that touch need not be limited to spouses or babies. We as adults too need it. Of course not the touch that you so often get in India thanks to our population density. The touch in mumbai’s local trains carry no such value except the increase it brings in our tolerance levels towards fellow humans.

So, I am convinced that at any age i would like to be hugged and held by the ones i love, to celebrate or mourn whatever life has to offer. And i pray that all of us find people around us whom we can hug so that we don’t have to wait for some Juan Mann to start a ‘Free Hugs campaign’ or a munnabhai movie to remind us of the jadoo ki zhappi!

So, what do you say?? Let the touch spread? Or do you know of something better? Do let me know.

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[I am in the middle of a series about communication but I just couldn't help write about this one. So please excuse;)]

I have always believed that jealousy springs from insecurity and hence it is not something one can openly strut around or at least be proud of.

But today, I was in for a real shock. My husband’s younger brother recently got engaged to his long-time girlfriend. Sweet couple they make. Totally bubbly, chirpy and the newly romantics. Though we (me and my husband) had a courtship of more than 3 years and a real lovey-dovey one at that the newly-engaged’s romance makes me nostalgic.

Talking of what prompted me to write this post- today all of us went shopping. In one of the posh stores there was a poster with a male model. My brother-in-law, J, commented about how he would make a far better model than the one in this poster. He is totally, completely, fully in love with himself and only a degree or two short of narcissism. The reaction of C (J’s fiancee) was an emphatic negation of his castle-in-air-wish. She stated as a matter of ethics and pride that she would NEVER let him work as a model. I was witnessing all that and I believed the two of them are just joking themselves. Until she changed her tone and underlined the fact that she truly meant it.

I just confirmed by asking her whether she was joking or she would actually not allow him? And she confirmed my fears saying “of course I wouldn’t. I can’t stand my husband being looked at by other females. I would NEVER EVER let him work in such professions. I can’t stand other dames talking of him.” She wasn’t being bossy or over-powering but she just couldn’t let her to-be-husband do it. She was just being natural about it.

But to me it was a wholly unnatural situation. Not because it was a female who was asking a male not to work or do so and so. But because I for one just can’t understand the fact that how would some other female/male looking your spouse make your spouse want you lesser. I mean, I have lived with this premise that the relationships I hold are not at the mercy of the advent or in-advent of a stranger. It is me and my partner who make or break a relationship. The relationship is not stable because there is no third party and neither is it unstable because there is a third party. If some other female can lull away my husband then our relationship must have had holes. I or he must have left some area of our relationship untouched where the third party could make a better mark. And if my husband or any of my relatives for that matter are too fickle-minded to understand the worthiness of a relationship then I would rather not stay with them for long.

Hence jealousy has hardly ever made sense to me. I, on the contrary have enjoyed the attention my mate would garner at parties. I feel proud. I feel like holding his hand and teasing the on-looking females and telling them “See i got what you yearn for…ha ha ha”

But what I heard today shook my entire understanding of the concept of jealousy. And hence me is posting this at midnight. Hope by the morning I would have forgotten it or sorted it out.

Please do tell me what is your take on jealousy. Are me and my hubby the only ones living on this premise? Has enlightenment suddenly dawned on me today and hence I see it as a shock or was C’s behavior a sign of immature childish romance? (How I wish you would vote for latter reason)

Good night folks. Let me not dream of it tonight!

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